What an awesome message. I was thinking about the sane...what does God want me to learn from this trial? Mostly, to be patient and learn to depend on Him more. Also, just like you say.... so can do without material things. I had to get rid of everything..and I do mean everything. I look ast it like this - If we don't lose everything, then how can God restore us?? At the end of the day, those things mean nothing. May God bless and heal you! We can rebuild with God's help.
Thanks for sharing what your journey has taught you thus far. I see in your words several things that make me smile, especially knowing how difficult and challenging your journey has been.
You have been at this for a while now, and you have made your share of mistakes, but you have never given up. You have come and gone, and come back again at least a couple of times. Interestingly, your searching and seeking have always led you back here.
Such dedicated grappling with God always results in two invaluable gifts:
1. Humility - We learn to see ourselves through God's eyes, with strengths and incredible potential given for His glory alone, and with weaknesses that are embraced because they keep us ever dependent upon Him.
2. Great Faith - One cannot wrestle with God without coming away from the experience trusting fully in His amazing love and faithfulness.
When Jacob (from whose sons the 12 tribes of Israel were formed) wrestled with the Angel of God, his name was changed forever from Jacob (which means "deceiver" or "supplanter") to Israel (which means "One who struggled with God"). He won the struggle with the angel and he demanded and received a blessing, but he was left with a limp from a dislocated hip, a powerful reminder of the reality that this world and all that is worshiped in it is passing away.
As Solomon pointed out, seeking after the fleeting approval of man is vanity, and a giant waste of our valuable resources. So here you are, fully awake and fully engaged. No telling what He will do with you now. I for one can't wait to see!
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