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How I Cured Morgellons
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| Original 2/10/2011 Post | |
Kristi 2/10/2011 10:23:41 PM | Alone, isolated, sleep-deprived, horrified, I pull myself out of my discomforting bed and stumble in the dark toward the dining room table. I'd left pieces of clear tape hung over the sides, waiting for when I need them next. I pull off one piece of the tape, and carefully, in the semi darkness, place the small contents between my left little finger and thumb, unto the sticky side, then I affix this to the blank notebook page there. I'll wait to examine it later, after trying to get a little more sleep, as it's only 5:00 am, and I'm so exhausted. I'm in desperate need of sleep, but there are others in my bed with no intention of rest, but only to continue tormenting me. As I lay there and close my eyes, I feel their presence both physically and psychologically, persisting in their apparent mission: to drive me insane or eat me alive, which ever comes first. I got out of bed at 10:00 am, maybe with about 2 hours of constantly interrupted sleep, feeling foggy and sluggish, but decided it was time to get up for the day. There are many chores needing to be done, all in the interest of trying to better my current agonizing situation. I don't know yet what I'll really be able to accomplish though, given my depleted state. It's time now for my morning tea and trying to wake up. I thought writing about this might help somehow. I moved into a new apartment about the last week in December, thinking I'd stay here through the winter, and maybe save a bit of money to move into a two-bedroom come Spring. My 11-year-old son, after a three-month stay at Spring Harbor Hospital, is now in transitional housing, and is scheduled to be coming back home with me around that time. My son has autism with 'danger behaviors' including aggression and a compulsion to run off, usually into the street. He has miraculously defied death or serious injury many times in the past several years. He needs constant care and supervision. That caregiver is usually me, as I would like it to be. During this transitional period, it is suggested and scheduled that I go to see him at his temporary home and school, to spend needed quality time together, and to learn new techniques, schedules, behavior management tips and etc., to prepare us both for his return. Today is Thursday, February 10th. Wednesday is our day to get together. I have not been able to see him in over three weeks... the first was because of a blizzard. The reason I had to cancel this and the previous Wednesday, is because I have developed a contageous disease; and I cannot risk passing this on to him. I went to the E.R. on Tuesday, February 1st. I brought an envelope with many dozens of strange sesame seed-sized (but elongated in shape) 'deposits' that I had picked out from bites all over my chest and abdomen area. I showed them to the doctor, and he looked at both them and me with a strange, doubting, almost humorous expression. He said: 'I have never seen anything like this in all my life'. He took them back and showed them to his colleagues, and they looked at them with magnifying equipment, he told me, when he returned. He said 'These are not bugs'. He told me they had no identifiable markings like legs, heads, and I intuited that he was questioning whether or not I was simply playing some hoax on him. He told me that 'for all I know, they could be scabs from you scratching at yourself'. I asked him if he really thought I'd just gauge myself up like that, just to show up at the E.R. to freak him out or something... and his facial expression showed that he really didn't believe that, but just didn't know what to think. I asked him to take a look at the newer wounds/lesions that had reciently appeared on my upper back, which he did. He did note a pattern or trail there, which he thought was consistent with scabies. So, he gave me a prescription for Permethrin cream, and some pills (Hydroxyzine) for itching. I tried the cream from head to toe, as instructed, one night after my shower. I really felt some relief, and had my first decent night of sleep in weeks. Unfortunately, it all started up again the next day... crawling sensations under my skin, being bitten, more lesions, and the next night was sleepless, again. I don't get extremely itchy like many do, for me it is more painful, with the biting, and creepy with them crawling into my eyes, nose, and ears, etc. By now, I don't think there is a speck of flesh on my body they've not visited. Although the lesions are mostly on my abdomen, back, and arms, I have been bitten on my head, face and genital area. They particularly like crawling into my ears, biting me, laying eggs, 'partying' in there. I've been dusting my body, inlcuding my ears, around my eyes, and a bit into my nose with food grade diatomaceous earth. This stuff is supposed to kill them on contact, and it does help, but they still seem to have enough time to do some damage to me before they die, and I'm able to pull them out. Even though I place some diatomaceous earth into my ears each night before bed, I still feel them crawl into my ears. I quickly get a bit of the D.E. (always by my bed) and put more into my ears. Sometimes I feel a lot of crusty stuff in there; and often when I rub this, I will pull out eggs (3-4 slightly smaller than a pinhead). Lately at times, instead of eggs, I will pull out a worm or worm-like creature, about 1/2 inch long. This is really horrifying to me! I now see these worm-like things in the house, usually on clothing or something soft. There are also black specs on things, and the little things that look to me like splinters of wood, about 1/8-1/4' long, thin, and pointier on one end than the other... These were the first creatures (?) I saw in the apartment, weeks ago, and they still far out-number the other things described above. I believe these are the mites that first bit me, and then all the crazy lesions and mutations happened after that. I'm confused about this, because with all I've read about mites in general, and especially the scabies mite, they are all described as much smaller than what I'm seeing here... 'barely visible to the human eye', they say. They are everywhere... hard surfaces, soft surfaces, in my teacup, everywhere. The black specks are everywhere too, just not as plentiful. I have not experienced the fibers coming out of my body - just those hard deposits, and new freckle-looking marks, which some say are connected. I have, however, just in the past couple of days, seen strange fibers (blue, black and red) on the floor/carpet, mostly. This morning I found a blue ball of fiber with what looked like a white ball inside... it reminded me of a coccoon, and I taped it unto the notebook page with the other strange stuff. The worms really scare me, and I wonder how their population will increase. I wonder how many are living INSIDE my body. This situation has caused me to become very isolated. I need to see my counselor I usually see on Tuesdays, but for the last 2-3 weeks I've had to cancel because I will not risk infecting her/her office; and she cannot meet me somewhere else because of 'billing regulations'. I cannot see my son, which is causing me deep sorrow for him, for me, for us. I cannot ask for help going to the store or the laundry mat, as I feel the need to be responsible about not passing this on to anyone else. My downstairs neighbors knocked on my door yesterday afternoon asking if I'd like to go downstairs and play cards and hang out. They really seem like good people I'd love to hang with, but... I went down stairs and knocked on my neighbor's door last evening and explained why I could not socialize with them at this time (as they had asked me if I might join them the next day (today) instead), and I'd said, 'That sounds good', not knowing then what else to say. I was verging on tears, feeling the need to tell her the truth. I feel dirty, even though I am not. I feel like a leper. I am lonely and traumatized. I need help, but have no idea where to go. I need to try some products like 'Kleen Green', and I'm running out of money... the child support money has not come in yet, and I've not paid my rent. I don't feel it's right to pay my rent, because I got this thing from moving here; but I am too weak to fight anyone. I don't know if I'm dying or losing my mind, or both. I feel TRAPPED and helpless. This disease that has caused me (and countless others) so much harm is called Morgellons. It is REAL. |
| Responses (Newest First) | |
Kathleen O 4/29/2011 5:22:13 PM | Wow! You did write a very compelling piece. You pulled me right into your world. That is a writers gift. I concurr, keep writing. I have been battling what is beleived to be at least in part this disease as well. I am currently experiencing severe biting inside my body along the spine. It literally feels like something is sawing off a layer if tissue, which then gets consumed over time. The biting is severe, and there is nothing visibly there, other than a large inflamed area, a swollen bump. The next day after these events my entire upper quandrant on whatevfer side of the spine the biting occurred will feel severely bruised.. for a week or longer. I have no explaination or help either. I too have the sores, the scarring, many of the sores, if not all, are on hair follicles, if it is a hair. Have you observed this possibility? |
Debra 3/5/2011 5:46:12 PM | Kristi, How well I remember exactly what you are experiencing. This is a truely amazing disease/parasite - not exactly sure what it truely is. I love the way you have captured it in words. Keep writing maybe that is your gift and a source of income for you. This website is the definite start of your battle. Remember you must stay positive and do not be afraid of this monster. You are in control and you will beat it. It may take awhile. But eventually it will get better and better and better. Do not worry about strangers and those on the outside - you will not infect them. Go live your life. You are in the best of hands - with Mel's help. For me, the first thing I did that started my improvement was a product called Paragone. You might want to look into that along with Mel's help. My heart goes out to you. So many people have burdens to bear and we have been given this. |
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