Click here to help toxic disease sufferers
How I Cured Morgellons
|
|
|
|
| Original 8/5/2014 Post | |
Sara 8/5/2014 1:22:42 PM | Hi there--- I'm quite lost at the moment and don't know where to start. I'm sure I just haven't read enough on this site, but I just can't read any more at the moment as I'm just too overwhelmed. I will try to avoid details as much as possible as to not just be telling my horror story. I've known in the back of mind for the past couple months that morgellons is what I have. Yet I find myself constantly trying to prove it to be something else. Some bug or mite that would easily be cured. Always searching, never finding the answer I want to hear. Too scared to admit the truth. I've been on vacation with immediate family this past week. I was hoping I would/could leave whatever this MAY be at home. Well it followed me here, and I don't know if the beach affects anything, but my symptoms have severely increased here instead. I didn't even want to come, and I most certainly want to go home, but I don't know how or what to say. Don't want to ruin the vacation for the kids. So I hide in my bed claiming to "not feel good", which I'm sure everyone assumes is B.S. by this point because I say it so often. But I really don't feel good. Not physically and not mentally. Desperation has taken me to the point that earlier today I was considering checking myself into a psychiatric facility. I haven't researched this disease very much, and what info I have found thus far has been quite dismal and frankly terrifying. I believe a very brief history, (without too many details I hope) may help you to know where I stand and how to possibly help me right now. I have struggled with severe anxiety at times since I was a teenager. That is why I believe I cannot read too much about this disease yet, because my anxiety takes over and I so quickly become overwhelmed. I wouldn't typically expect this reaction from myself. I have been an RN for 14 years, have seen and researched so many diseases and ailments that others, myself, or my children have been inflicted with. Nothing has ever scared me or caused anxiety like this has. Why is that I wonder? Is it the social aspect, (or lack thereof), that has me feeling so nervous about having morgellons? I assume it plays a major role for not only myself, but so very many of us who are coming to terms with it all. You see, I like so many others have been suffering in silence. Afraid of what others would think of me if I told them all that has been going on. Afraid of the definition of morgellons I got from Wikipedia the first night I googled my symptoms. I have always prided myself as a very intelligent, rational, scientific type of person. Yet everything I was reading was telling me I was crazy. NO WAY this is what's going on with me, there's got to be SOME other medical reason for my symptoms. And so became my list of self diagnosis from allergic contact dermatitis to bird mites. My first and few attempts at suggesting some sort of bug infestation (carpet beetles, fruit flies) in my home and in my clothing proved to only provide strange looks and suspicion from my family. So I've kept everything else inside. I've isolated myself, without realizing it, to the point I have no friends or close family left. Why does that seem so common among us? Is it part of the disease process, or purely just from fear? Fear of hurting others? Fear of Passing this to those around us? Or just fear of what others think? Though I say nothing, I can see the disapproving glances I get if someone catches me scratching one of my many sores. I can feel and hear the pity in people's voices when they suggest my "acne" is maybe worsened by recent stressors in life or possibly OCD. You see I used to be quite beautiful. Blond hair and blue eyes, a face I've often been told would light up the room when I walked in. This has all gone away in the last 6 months and has been replaced with old looking, gray, weird oracle poxed skin that has people wanting to get as far away from me as they can. Compliments have all turned to disgusted stares and whispers. Man, if they only knew what I knew, seen even a portion of what I have seen. Then they might understand what I really need is empathy instead of their pity and displaced sympathy right now. I just need a friend. One person I can trust to tell all this to, and not be labeled as crazy! My kids know something is up. All three have started exhibiting symptoms of this disease as well. They have always been able to feel or noticed certain symptoms of mine. Part of me was relieved for the validation. Most of me scared of what this means for them. Does it mean they are unhealthy? Likely immunocompromised or with some other internal disorder? Did I read that part right? Is this disease contagious? Are we genetically predisposed to acquire this disease? I guess what I'm really trying to ask is, did I give this to my kids and can I fix it if I did? Can I fix me? Are we going to be ok? Am I going to be ok? I don't feel like I am. I feel like I'm dying. And losing my mind. And crippled by the deep dark depression I am in. How do I talk to my kids? How do I comfort them or explain what's going on when I have no clue and am terrified as well?? I am so alone and afraid, and I could really use a friend. I'm taking a huge step by posting on here as I've never posted anything related to this before. Well, I really wouldn't even admit to myself that Morgellons was my reality until earlier today. (Which in-turn caused the questioned sanity) And quite possibly the start of a mental breakdown. I'm not sure how I ended up here on this site, except that I prayed today for the first time in a long time. Prayed for God to help me and my kids with all of this, and help take this monster or demon away from us, help give the kids their mom back, and give them a fair shot at life. And well, I questioned if my drift away from my faith and my God this past year had something to do with contracting or exacerbating this disease. I don't have the answer to that or anything really. However I do have a restored faith in God tonight and a glimmer of hope in my heart instead of only despair. You see as I googled God/faith/and morgellons tonight I wasn't led to a site that told me I was crazy or made me more fearful. Instead God led me to this site where I instead saw people identifying with one another, offering help in many forms to each other, prayers offered, stories of restored health! God hasn't abandoned me even though I have all but abandoned him! Thank you Lord Jesus for forgiveness, because without God's grace I do not think I would have made it through this night. And thank you that this site has made me comfortable enough to post about this and ask for much needed guidance. So long story summarized, :-), I guess what I'm asking for or need help with here is maybe a suggestion of where to start on this site that will provide slow immersion into the understanding of Morgellons. I am more then stoked to eventually read about treatment options, labs and medical data, and personal stories of success. But I feel I need to understand first what Morgellons really is, without getting overwhelmed by it all. Also, I wonder if there is someone who would be willing to talk to me via email or telephone about their story and listen to mine? Someone to talk to if I'm really scared or so confused? Maybe even make some new friends that I can be 100% honest with and not fear ridicule. I could use any and all prayers offered, spiritual guidance, advice. I could use any and all help offered in any way shape or form. I need anybody. I just don't want to be alone. Maybe someone who has been through it and could help me talk to or explain things to my kids (ages 9,8,and infant)?? Maybe my family too?? (Mom, sis, brother). I thank you all in advance and thanks for letting me talk this through tonight. I feel much better already! God Bless each and every one of you!!! —Sara |
| Responses (Newest First) | |
Sara 8/14/2014 4:46:39 AM | Oh thank you all so much! It feels so great just to hear from others! I'm not sure if this is the correct place to ask or not, but I'll try, Mel-- Could you please share Amber's contact info with me as she has ok'd it earlier in this post? Thank you-- Sara |
Peter 8/9/2014 7:49:46 PM | Hi Sara Your post tugs at my heartstring. You are not alone and you didn't do anything wrong to get this. Everyone afflicted with Morgellons faces the isolation, despair, and on going torment that is at the core of the disease. But if we focus on the cure by committing completely to this protocol, we get well. I am proof. And there are many others. It just takes time to do the work. After two years on Mels protocol, with the exception of my right arm, I am symptom free. The brain fog is gone. Energy has returned. Joint pain is only occasional. My clothes are hanging in the closet again. My friends and family now accept that I was very sick as a direct result of now seeing me well. Shift your thinking to accept that Morgellons is systemic co-infection that plays out in ways that just cannot be fully understood. But know that it can be conquered. Stay away from other web sites. Put your focus on reading here about how so many have recovered. With time and commitment, the protocol will free you of the debilitating aspects of symptoms. You will restore as you body rebuilds itself with the support that the nutritional supplements provide. You are right, God will never forsake or abandon you. He has become the true architect of my healing and thus the author of my faith. Allow him to let your fear motivate you and become a tool that you use to perservere through the difficult times that lie ahead. Focus only on the cure. Begin the protocol. Believe in the simple science that health comes when we restore our bio terrain and stay with it. Read as much as you are able here. I believe in you and you will be in my prayers. You will beat this! Strength and Love, Peter |
2025 © All Rights Reserved.