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How I Cured Morgellons
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Derek 12/13/2013 12:53:12 PM | I wanted to to post a new topic apart from my main thread because I felt at this point that I needed to remind myself of how I got through this hell one time before and am still alive and kicking 7 years post-initial infection. As you may all know, I recovered completely in summer 2011 and went 2 years 100% symptom-free but relapsed 5 months ago, and this disease is back at "consuming" me. I really thought during those 2 years I was 100% symptom-free that this was gone forever from my life and I was cured. I remember how my body responded to this protocol instantly in July 2010, had all of my energy back within 1 month of the basic protocol with MMS and felt well enough to take 7 months off from the protocol (finances were limited as I was going through separation and supporting my ex and son) and then finish the job in only 1 more month on the protocol. Now I learned that I was probably one of the lucky ones whose infection load was low enough to see those kind of results with less than 18 months on the protocol. Now, 5 months after my relapse (likely from mold exposure and a suppressed immune system), I struggle to get even the smallest gains. I start to wonder if this thing has become immune to MMS and then the fear grips me as I know how much different I feel when not afflicted versus now. I realized today, that if I let the thoughts enter into my mind that I am not improving, won't be healthy enough in my upcoming job interviews to get hired, am stuck needing MMS or something else for life just to survive, or that the disease will make me suffer forever, I begin to let the fear control me and I go into a panic. The first time I went through this, I rarely had thoughts like this and was able to get to the other side (for a while) as time passed. The first time I went through this, I never needed anxiety medication over those 5 years. I don't know how I did it back then and how I just kept going on with life as if I did not have a disease. I even had physical contact with my 3 year-old son (I had to as a single dad), and didn't have much fear of contagion. He is perfectly healthy now and never got this disease. That gave me comfort back then. In fact, I know of nobody who got this disease from me even though I have been around so many people over the years. Think of all the things we touch that other people then touch. If we give off "live" spores, then wouldn't you think that other people are exposed to them at our jobs, after using our shopping carts, opening the same doors, or using the same toilets as we do? Why is nobody else catching this from us if it were contagious? At one time I was living with my spouse, my son, and both of my in-laws during my greatest suffering, and not one of them ever got this. My scalp was so afflicted back then (extremely painful), but my father in-law put on a Halloween mask over his head which I previously wore (I cringed), but nope he didn't catch any critters. My son would sleep on the same couch I laid on during the week, would sometimes get up and crawl into bed with me and put his head up against mine...he's always been in perfect health. My ex still doesn't believe in this illness even though I had much contact with her while infected. My psychologist back then told me that he had many patients sit on the same leather sofa I sat on during our sessions and not a single one of them ever confided to him that they were experiencing crawling sensations or any other signs of this disease. So, back then, as I noticed that nobody but me was experiencing these symptoms, I had little fear of contagion. So, I didn't isolate myself and just lived. However, even now, I still feel I may be playing a game of roulette with this and some unlucky soul is going to catch this from me at some point if the conditions are right. Now I realize looking back, that by not allowing the disease to consume me, by not isolating myself, by going to work as usual, being with my son every weekend, focusing on my physical fitness, and having interests outside of the disease, I was able to cope with the illness until I recovered. I had symptoms daily, but they didn't consume my every thought. In fact, I stopped looking at web sites about the disease besides this one in 2010 and just ignored the disease otherwise. I did not eat as restricted of a diet as I do now, but I recovered somehow slowly. I even had a beer or two every week during the last 6 months before completely recovering. I ate sugar and wheat too in moderation. I guess the point is that I recovered from this while not doing everything perfectly and my body just did what it needed to over time to get this at least into remission. I probably wouldn't be sick now if I had just kept the protocol going once I became symptom-free and avoided the things that suppressed the immune system, but hind sight is 20/20. I feel that I need to get myself back into the same state of mind as the first time...where I just lived, let the recovery take place, and not worry. It's easier said than done though. I believe I must stick 100% to the protocol though for 18 months or so if I truly want to eliminate this from my life for good. It has been with me for too long. I must live life and let the pieces fall into place. I cannot sit and worry about never getting better. I have to have faith in my body and the protocol...that is the hurdle I must get over now. That is the hurdle that everyone must get over at some point because the worry makes the disease worse than the disease itself. Think of the small improvements that are happening as you progress, and remember those when you start to doubt and let fear take over. Think about what you CAN STILL DO in spite of your illness. If you can still get out of bed, do your work, interact with people, and not let the disease consume you, you will feel better and your life will become more normal again. In other words, stay busy but stick with the protocol. Exercise regularly. Be social. At least prove to yourself that you ARE NOT GOING TO GET WORSE THAN YOU ARE NOW, and you still are getting things accomplished. As the months go by, you will realize that this disease has a limit if you stick to the protocol. It may even be self-limiting since it hasn't killed me yet after having it for 7 years. For me, getting a job offer and starting a new job will do wonders for my mindset. That is a hug obstacle and stressor for me right now. If I can get through that while sick, I will truly believe that I will be ok. I know I am not at 100%, but me at 80% may still be good enough to keep progressing in life. We do not have to give in to this disease. We tell it, we know you're there, but we will keep doing what we do in spite of you. Many have recovered from this illness, but it takes time. You will not be able to tell the difference from day to day or even week to week. The time scale is at least a year. Keep on living normally, and let the healing slowly occur as your body gets what it needs to recover. You may be surprised at what changes occur over time, and when things start moving in the right direction, you'll know you will beat this. |
Lady T 5/27/2016 10:19:45 PM | Derek - it was so nice to see you comment - and to hear you ran a marathon answered a question I pondered regarding MD - like I had always wondered if massive exercise (as in marathon training) would help cure this - and obviously not! Good time on your run and congrats again! And please keep us posted on your healing journey - Peace ;) |
MB 5/26/2016 12:58:04 AM | Hi Derek I love this part: "we know you're there, but we will keep doing what we do in spite of you" This is the mindset I used to have, and this is the mindset I should readopt. Thank you for your inspiring message :). (I'm new here btw) |
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