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How I Cured Morgellons
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6/8/2019 10:33:46 AM |
Didn’t you love Jamie’s story? She called me after she wrote it and read it to me over the phone, and I just cracked up. Wow! Jamie...just think of the alternate career you could have had. If just losing a belt garnered that quick of a monetary response, who knows what else? After laughing I decided to tell her about my teaching wardrobe malfunction story. She listened and cracked up. She said… you have to write that on the forum...and so...here it is. I’ve entitled my story…”The Great Slip Up” I’ve been in education for almost thirty years, but for a short time in the 1990’s I took a job teaching GED prep at a men’s maximum security prison. I’m definitely not the gutsy type, but I took the job because it paid more, and that was important at the time. The unit where I was working was what is called a “farm unit.” That means it had huge fields of crops that were worked by the men to provide food for the facility. It was a hot dirty job, and the prison itself wasn’t air conditioned...but the school in the prison was. This meant that the school was stuffed with attendees who really just wanted to get out of the fields and out of the heat...and of course...who could blame them? Well...the school was so heavily attended, that they had to run classes in two shifts. One started at five a.m. and the next one started around 1:00 in the afternoon. I worked the afternoon shift and we were required to get there an hour early just for an overlap. The school was so crowded that they had taken the library and partitioned it off with filing cabinets and those old fashioned flip over chalk boards to create a new classroom. One day, as I was in the lounge preparing for my afternoon class, one of the morning teachers asked me if I could watch her class while she ran to the restroom. I said sure and went in to stand there and just look at a room full of twenty something men who just looked back at me. One table of three in the back of the room apparently got bored with the mutual staring and started making kissy noises at me and saying “hey baby.” They got the reaction they wanted because it made me so mad! I don’t hide my feelings well, and I’m sure my anger showed on my face. I gave them what my daughters called the “church look” which could make my daughters start to behave immediately if they’d been acting up in church. This involved a snotty look with one eyebrow very raised. It could stop my daughters in their tracks with it...but...it goes without saying that the inmates weren’t scared at all. As a side note, one dresses very conservatively when working in a prison. I had a big baggy jumper dress on and flats. I’d been losing some weight and being a product of my time, was wearing a half slip...but...it was one that was really too big. I should have gotten rid of it and bought a smaller one, but I was being cheap and had convinced myself it was, “fine.” Well...the teacher came back from the restroom and saw me standing there in my big old baggy long dress with my arms folded and glaring toward the back of the room, and said...so…”how were they?” She meant the guys...were they respectful. I REALLY wanted to make a point, so I said in my snottiest voice…”Most of them were perfect gentlemen, but SOME people in the back of the room were not.” Then I dramatically turned on my heel and marched out of the classroom hoping I’d had some kind of an impact. This was one of the classrooms partitioned off by the flip over chalk boards that you could see under. As I was a few steps out of the classroom, but still in full view from the knees down under the chalk boards, I felt something twist around my knees. I looked down and saw a white ring of nylon pooled around my feet. Have you ever had one of those moments when you completely disassociate from your body? I felt myself flying up above my body and looking down and thinking...oh my God...what should I do? Should I pick it up and run...or should I leave it there and pretend I don’t know where it came from? Then I thought about all the training we’d had. We even had to count the pencils when we passed them out and took them up. We were trained that anything could be used for something else. I immediately had a thought of someone using that too big slip to make a parachute to fly over the walls and escape and concluded that leaving the slip would probably be a fire-able offense. I decided to just pick the slip up and run for the secretary’s office. The secretary was my buddy and so much fun. As with all doors in a prison, her’s was locked, and I just beat on it as hard as I could and hissed...hurry up...open it!!! I stumbled into her office and told her what happened. We laughed so hard we were bent double. Well...what choice did I have? I just held my head up and walked out there and pretended nothing had happened. The next day one of the braver inmates asked me if I’d “lost something” the day before. Apparently the word was out that I was casting off garments on the unit. I just denied denied denied. I asked him why he was asking and then flounced off. They all watched me pretty closely after that...but...I’d learned my lesson. No more slip ups! Love, Karen | |||
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