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How I Cured Morgellons
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| Original 7/7/2018 Post | ||||
Karen, 7/7/2018 11:00:47 PM |
Hello Everyone, I hope everyone has a chance to listen to the conference call that was recorded today, Saturday, July 7, 2018. It is an update on Thomas’ journey and he was so inspirational! Thomas is a very strong individual who just keeps going toward his goals in spite of the multiple obstacles he’s encountered throughout this experience. It was interesting that he made so many connections to what goes on with us mentally, emotionally, and spiritually with this disease. As so often happens in many of our lives, this was a synchronistic moment because just the night before, I’d been really giving this part of our journey’s a lot of thought and had been already starting to compose this post in my head. I’m sorry...it’s going to be long...but I’m going to do it anyway in the hopes that what I’ve experienced on my journey will help someone else. As I was having these thoughts, Mel called...and in the course of our conversation, he said something that totally connected to what I’d been thinking and then what Thomas touched on so beautifully today...which has to do with the mental, emotional, and spiritual aspects as mentioned above. Mel and I are very close...and we’ll often do that...one of us will call the other and just start talking about what the other had been thinking about. I’m sure anyone reading this has experienced the same kind of thing with others as well...so hopefully, you’ll understand what I’m talking about. It’s certainly attention getting, and as such, I feel compelled to share my thoughts on this subject...and the subject is, what a blessing this illness has become in growing my soul and showing me what’s really important. I’ll have to re-cap my “story” to illustrate this point, but I’ll only explain the parts that relate to learning my “letting go” lesson. Like everyone else, I went into major panic mode when I first realized that I had this disease (and for a long time afterward). I’d worked for years on my vintage house...had given up so much in terms of time, money and connections with others to achieve my dream. My goal was to have a beautiful place for family and friends to gather, and I was relentless in my pursuit of this dream. I watched endless HGTV renovation and decorating shows...I won’t even go into all the projects I’ve done over the years to get this house where it is now...it was OCD on steroids and I was single minded and determined. In addition to the “strip down to the studs” renovation and extensive leveling and drainage work even before that I’d had done, you could give me a piece of junk furniture, and I could turn it into a work of art...functional art because that was another thing I felt was important. I put myself in a lot of financial strain to do this...but I had a goal. And then I got bitten by something in my attic. My clean and beautiful attic has plywood flooring all the way to the edge of the eaves...lights at every entry door (six of them because my attic is storage space off a half story) and my duct work was a thing of beauty. I am very OCD with how I do things. My tools and supplies, right down to the nails and screws and tiny hardware are organized into fruit jars and other containers in my garage. You could take a picture and put it on Pintrest under “how to organize when you’re renovating.” Re-doing my house was who I was...my identity...and my religion almost. And then I got bitten by something in my attic. I’d waited years to have grandchildren. I’d looked forward to it since I was a young mother. I actually renovated this house and added a half story with my future grandchildren in mind. I lived for it. My first grandchild was born in 2012. They lived within driving distance at that time, and my world was complete (even though my house wasn’t at that point)...but I cannot describe the joy of having my precious grandson visit my home and watch his delight at all the little surprises and fun I had prepared for him. And then I got bitten by something in my attic...right before my second grandchild was born in 2014...a little girl this time. I won’t go into how that derailed everything, because if you are reading this, you have lived it. My grandson had just started talking...and I shut down “Mimi’s House” to his sweet and precious company. I did go see him after a while though, and he asked repeatedly…”Mimi...can I go to your house?” I would often ask myself how many more ways my heart could get ripped out...but I couldn’t count that high. Lol...that’s a little melodramatic...but I can get a little emotional about my connection to my grand kids. I also won’t go into how much my family did not understand this and the added insult of being thought delusional...because if you are reading this, you have lived it. Then...in 2015, it went from collembola to Morgellons...right after my daughter, son-in-law and two precious grandchildren moved seven hours away. The riptide and backwash of the reaction to my illness had been hard on my relationship with my daughter...though she’s always trusted me (and rightfully so) with her children. I’ll be forever grateful for that. However...the beautiful picture I had in my mind of “how things were supposed to be” was washing away...down the drain no matter how hard I tried to hold onto it. I’d spent a king’s ransom on my house...and then another king’s ransom and a half on trying to figure out how to get well from this disease (before I found this website) and would just sit and look at my finances like a deer in the headlights. I often wondered how in the world I would continue to even work...and I knew if I retired, I wouldn’t have enough money to cover my bills. So...I just kept working and working and working...putting one foot in front of the other and constantly trying to figure out a way out of all of this. My world and my definition of “who I am” was crashing down around me. How could everything someone has worked so hard for for so many years be taken away in such a short period of time? I spent so much time crying and praying and begging God not to let my world implode when I was so close to reaching some long worked for goals. So...if you’ve read this far, you may be thinking...how depressing! However...that’s only part of the story. There’s a good part to this...there really is. Right before I’d gotten sick I’d been sitting in my upstairs half story surrounded by plastic tubs of things I’d had stored in my attic. I’d pulled everything out of the attic storage spaces because I’d had my house re-roofed the year before and wanted to clean up the debris on the attic floor. I did so over several weekends, and as I did, I went through the “tubs of my life.” Things were neatly organized and labeled. These were lots of memory things...things I couldn’t bear to part with because there were emotional memories attached to them. Some were sad because the represented attachments I had before my divorce and before the death of my dad in 2010. I sat in the middle of the floor and looked at all of those tubs. I knew in my heart this wasn’t good...like maybe holding on to all of these things was, in a way, not letting go of things that should be let go of to move on with my life. I prayed out loud…”God...I’m drowning in my stuff...and I don’t know how to get out of this.” Be careful what you pray for. In less than a month, the collembola started and things went downhill from there. I immediately got my handy man to bring his big low-boy trailer to my driveway and I started throwing stuff away like crazy. Since then, he’s left the trailer four more times. I wasn’t THAT much of a pack rat...some of it was construction trash...but I did throw away a lot of other stuff too. It felt great! I started to feel free! I’ve read about “baptism by fire”...about how God clears things out to allow people to start over. The story of Noah was one of the examples of this in what I read. It makes sense too...get rid of the old so something new and better can come in. When we hold onto things so tightly, we cannot be instruments of God. We cannot move forward if we hear the call to be of service in some special way. These diseases are like house fires...they clear everything out. It’s definitely pried my fingers loose of most of my attachments, and little things still happen all the time to let me know that I’m supposed to be letting go of more and more. I don’t know what’s next, though I do know some changes are coming. I’m learning to live on faith that things are happening as they should. I’ve found a guy to come in and finish out my house and my realtor thinks it’ll sell quickly and for a good price. I can finally let go of it now, where in the past I was buried here in my own personal “field of dreams.” Work is still there...though, as in everything, change is constant. I’m starting to look at a way to retire. If I can work it out...I’ll be heading out to Reno to help Mel with his ministry sooner rather than later. Maybe this is what I’m supposed to do...things here are changing fast. My kingdom is collapsing, so maybe all of this is a way to get me to let go and move on. We’ll see. So...here’s the good part. This disease is a spiritual journey...it is a gift to bring us closer to God. We are distracted by so many things in our lives, and I’m firmly convinced that this disease, which basically strips us of everything, helps us to grow our souls and to understand what’s most important. At the end of the day, it’s just God and us...and that’s what we’ll have when we leave this world...we cannot take any of our attachments with us. At the end of the day, I want to be able to say I’ve been of service and helped to make the world a better place. This disease has grown and stretched my soul to the point where anything less...going back to my old life of being so egocentrically centered would be impossible. So...I no longer pray and beg for my old life back. I pray and ask God what he wants me to learn. I ask God what it is he wants me to do to serve Him. I’ll admit...I still whine sometimes in my prayers and try to micromanage it a little bit too and say...God...I have to be able to get my house done by a certain time and sold at a certain price to be ok. However...I suspect I’ll get more lessons about living in faith and allowing things to unfold as they are supposed to. It’s interesting how much my recovery has taken a leap forward since I’ve altered my perspective. I cannot help but believe it’s evidence that I may be going in the right direction now spiritually...maybe going toward where God wants me to be. So...even though this disease creates so very much suffering...it does bring us closer to God. It does clear out all the clutter in our lives. It does grow and stretch our souls and helps us to become an instrument of God’s blessing rather than quite so ego focused and self-serving. So...that’s the good part...and it’s a VERY good part. I feel so happy when I can help others...like I’m doing what I’m supposed to. No new “thing” can feel as good. No completed and decorated room can come as close. No project at work that fans my ego will fill that gap...and family relations will unfold as they’re going to without me writing scripts for things by making everyone fit into my idea of how things “should be.” Learning to let go and let God is a big lesson...but this disease has fast tracked that personal growth like nothing else. Love, Karen | |||
| Responses (Newest First) | ||||
Anna 7/15/2018 9:23:47 AM |
Hello KAREN, Thank you for this post, and for me it was not too long at all. I very much enjoy your posts and your writing ability is a gift that gives to us all. Please continue to do so because you do keep us inspired and feed and edify our souls. You were very blessed to have such a wonderful childhood full of fond memories where you were able to enjoy these experiences at your grandmother's house. Reading what you wrote took me there and I starting thinking how nice it would be to live somewhere in the country. To be able to sit outside on a warm evening to look up at the amazing night's sky full of stars and the fireflies lighting up all around me. With all the pleasant outdoor smells and the relaxed stress-free environment. That would be wonderful if this could happen someday! Thank you for your recommendation of the author you mentioned. Is there any particular book by this author that is a favorite of yours? I like the idea of a thread where we can write about movies and books to uplift us. Unlike you, I do find it hard to find good movies to watch on Netflix and Amazon Prime. Since coming to Christ I've found that my taste has changed quite a bit and that I no longer enjoy watching what I used to (I still like Lord of the Rings though and doubt that that'll ever change!) But for me it's a rarity that I actually find a good quality movie that has substance and isn't full of violence, sexual conduct, and obscene language. It's very disturbing the number of times a movie has the actors speaking the Lord's name in vain and I cringe when I hear it. Jesus died for our sins and we say His name as an expression of exasperation or as an expletive, very sad. Two good movies that I recommend: Noble and Lion. Both are based on true stories of their lives. Noble is the story of Christina Noble who was led to go to Viet Nam later in her life to help the children there. It's an INCREDIBLE story! And one that shows how God can affect so many lives through one person. I highly recommend this one. Lion is about a boy from India who gets lost and tells about his amazing journey. This one is another amazing story about hope and will totally wrench your heart out in the end. Also it shows the real guy after the movie is over and the pictures of him and his family. I'm currently reading a book called Nine O'Clock In The Morning by Dennis J Bennett. It's about the baptism of the Holy Spirit. So far I really like it but am only a little more than half way through. I'm usually very guarded about reading books that I perceive are going to teach the wrong message, especially that of the prosperity gospel like many other false teachers, however so far I'm not seeing anything to be concerned about. Nevertheless, I would prefer to read it to the end before I can recommend it to anyone. Mere Christinanity is good one by C.S. Lewis, but very deep and needs to be read a few times to really grasp everything. In it he says that Pride is the ultimate anti-God state of mind. I also like books by Timothy Keller. He’s written books like “The Reason for God”, “Walking with God through Pain and Suffering” (I should probably reread this one), and several others that I want to read like “The freedom of Self-Forgetfulness”. Like THOMAS and many of you, looking at nature and God’s creation is something that lifts my spirit. For some time now butterfllies have really impressed me, so much so that I compiled a file that contain many species. I look at these butterflies often and they never cease to amaze me and show God’s wisdom in His design of this tiny beautiful creature. I’m sending a condensed version to Mel (my original document is over 200 and is way to big to post). I hope that the smaller file which is a pdf can be posted some way because I would really like to share this with everyone. God Bless you all! | |||
Karen 7/12/2018 11:44:32 AM |
Hi Everyone, I am so touched by everyone's response. My original post was written when I was in one of those pensive moods of reflection. We all have things we do when we need to deal with some type of emotion...and writing is that for me. This community is filled with such sweet souls. There is no doubt in my mind that we've been pulled together from far and wide to learn and grow and accomplish something very important together. As we continue to connect and discuss and reflect, we'll help each other and perhaps pave the road a bit further for those who come after us. Mel is truly a pioneer in learning about and helping others to restore their health from toxic diseases. There are so very many aspects to these kinds of illnesses...and the emotional piece is a big one. Mel has provided this forum (and conference calls) for us to come together and learn more from one another, and I feel so blessed to be a part of this community. I look forward to more connection with my "family" of all of you. I reach out to you through my writing...though...I do know I tend to write really long posts. I sometimes imagine people stopping reading midway through one of my posts to jump up and grab some Sovereign Silver to put in their eyes. Lol...you'd think thoughts like this would slow me down...but...well...sometimes there is just so much to say! I'm a person who loves words. I'm from the South so the storytelling tradition runs deep within my heritage. I love someone to tell me a story, and I love to express myself by telling my own stories. Memories from my childhood...my very young childhood are intertwined with the sweet lull of voices telling stories...stories about the past...stories about today...what happened and how. Every day events were always wrapped in rich narrative and connected to the bigger picture of our life experiences. One of my earliest memories is being rocked on my grandmother's back screened porch in the evening after dinner. It was twilight...and everyone was lounging on the back porch to cool off since she did not have air conditioning. I could hear the clink of the ice in the sweet tea as it melted in the heat...the squeak of the chair...the soft laughing voices and felt the total security of being wrapped in love and tradition of story. One of my favorite storytellers (writers) is James Lee Burke. He writes crime novels, though ironically, that is my least favorite genre. I dislike violence so much that I keep my environment saturated in the kind of energy one might find in a Hallmark Hall of Fame movie. My favorite episode binge watches are things like "Downton Abbey," "Call the Midwife," "Anne with and 'e'"(which is a version of "Anne of Green Gables"), etc...you get the idea. I sometimes think I like things so sickeningly sweet, they'd hurt your teeth...but I digress. But back to James Lee Burke. I love his writing so much that I plow through the crime and violence parts just so I can read (or hear on Audible books) his prose. No one can touch my heart the way he does when he writes about the things God has put on this earth for us to enjoy. He describes nature, people, and situations with a perspective of such deep love and appreciation for life that it will instantly change one's perspective. I share these things because my original intent for this thread was to get some ideas rolling of things we could do to nourish our souls...to help support ourselves and others in ways that will shore up this part of our recovery. For some reason, when I wrote the original post on this thread, I veered off into my "story" of my own soul evolution with this disease to date...but maybe that was meant to be. Maybe that was a way to start this thought process for all of us. So...I deal with the soul damaging aspect of this disease by reaching out to all of you with my reflections, by writing, and by reading (listening) to something that touches my heart. I also love Netflix and Amazon Prime...and Youtube has enough on it to entertain me for the rest of my life. Anything we can do to move the energy away from the scary stuff is so very important. This disease seems to feed off of fear and despair. I think it loves cortisol almost as much as it does sugar. I love this quote from James Lee Burke so much that I've actually noted it before in a post a while back. It's about his perspective on his own contribution through his writing. Here it is... “God might choose fools and people who glow with neurosis for his partners in creation, but he doesn’t make mistakes.” I laugh every time I read that one because it so completely describes the human experience. We're here for a reason...we co-create with God to make the world a better place...we're not perfect, and we don't have to be...and there are no coincidences. That is so true for all of us...and a wonderful way to describe the journey we're all on. Those of us in this community have been called upon to take the soul growth up several notches, and I cannot help but believe that each of us is here for a very special reason. So...to pull it all together, this thread is about soul maintenance. Please use it to expand on this topic as it relates to you. Listen to the small voice within and know you are safe here to express the musings of your soul. We are all connected and your thoughts may be just the thing someone else needs to read at a certain moment in time to bring them some kind of relief...and to not feel so isolated. Please join in by these kinds of reflections and also by thinking of things that will nurture your soul and then share these ideas with the group. Having a "go to" list of things to do when it gets emotionally rough can only help us all. I look forward to reading all of your thoughts on this topic...so please...jump in! Love, Karen | |||
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