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How I Cured Morgellons
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1/22/2017 12:38:20 PM | Hello Laura, Thank you for your kind response. You made a great point...that too many times we take things in life for granted. That's so true...and all of us on this site are only too familiar with what's been lost...but this thought also leads me to think about appreciating what we have today...things we may take for granted and not even realize it. I married when I was pretty young...twenty years old. By the time I was 23, I had one baby and one on the way. That's when my husband's business went south...and little to no money was coming in. At that time, I had no college degree, no job skills, and being an obviously expectant mother, wasn't in the best condition to go apply for a job of any kind. That's when I started praying...what we all do when our backs are up against the wall. I'd also remembered a sermon I'd heard growing up about a poor widow who made her living by menial jobs and ironing clothes for others. The pastor said she'd always taken out 10% of anything she made and put it aside in an envelope to be tithed. Well...with one baby and one on the way and almost no income, it was not the best time for me to start such a leap of faith, but...for some reason...I did. Luckily I was able to get a job in a church nursery and another job as a substitute in a church day care. I carefully set 10% aside from every penny I made and used it to tithe. At that point we also decided my husband would try to find full time employment and keep his business on the side. This was in the last months of 1979 and the beginning of 1980...not a good time in the area I lived in for anyone to find a job, but once this decision had been made, my heart lifted in ways I still can't describe. Prior to the point of things getting so bad, he'd never have considered working for someone else, and it was never easy living off a newly started business. Once he made the decision to look for outside employment, I knew there was a chance for us. That joy just transcended my being. I remembered a particular hymn from my childhood..."Count Your Many Blessings"...I started noticing all of the many many things I had to be thankful for and held this gratitude out toward God with every new realization. I sang that song constantly as I went about my day...living in my little old house with the tin roof...so poor we didn't even have a clothes dryer...hanging clothes on the line...cooking everything from scratch...making "do" with every penny we had...and then things started to change...and the blessings started to flow. My husband applied for and got a great job that allowed us to have a consistent income...our baby was born healthy...and I was able to quit my part time jobs and concentrate on taking care of the children...and a few years later go back to college and earn my degree. He worked at that job for 33 years...now retired...and I'm still benefiting from that blessing. Life isn't always as we plan it...and unfortunately, that marriage ended after 20 years...but...the blessings that came from that leap of faith continue. The child I was expecting has lived what I can only describe as a charmed life...not that she hasn't had her challenges...but that she's always met them with the most optimistic attitude I've ever known in a person. She faces what she needs to...develops a plan...sticks with it...and expects things to turn out well...and they do! I share all of this for two reasons...one...because it's good to remember times in our past when we had to go out on nothing but faith and then succeeded...and two because I believe the energy and joy I felt during those few months despite the obvious horrible situation did something almost magical that still is blessing all of us in our family today. It makes me realize how vital attitude is...and faith...and the incredible power that results when those two things intertwine. Granted...this disease is a much bigger storm to go through than the one described above. The isolation is tough. I'm single and live alone. I have very nice friends, but no longer have much time to socialize because working and managing the road to recovery take more time than I have hours in the day. I have grandchildren who I see from time to time (they live several hours away), but when I do, I'm very very careful...it's not the same as it would be if I were well...for obvious reasons. I no longer date...and on the dark days I wonder if I'll be alone like this forever. I'm very independent and content by myself...but by nature, human beings want companionship...and until I get well, the possibility of that happening is off the table. My appearance has changed drastically...I've lost so much weight and to quote an old high school boyfriend who'd looked me up on FB a few months ago...and then insisted on meeting with me again despite what I shared with him ahead of time about my current health status...according to him, I look..."...just so frail...and sick...and...tired." Uh...ya think? I only wish he'd said this before he'd decided to declare himself newly in love again and then convince me he really really meant it and that he wanted to be there for me. Of course I knew better...but...needless to say, I was not at the top of my game physically or emotionally and I'll admit it...at the time, I was a pretty easy sell. Once I bought into it, he changed on a dime. When questioned about the sudden 180 degree turn about he "shared" his impressions of my appearance with me as described above. I did mention that he needed to stop "helping" me understand because he was about to leave me in worse shape than he found me in. I actually do understand how he'd feel though. Before I got sick I know for a fact I'd not have wanted to get involved with someone ill. I just wish he hadn't played around with my emotions before he decided that, though I really don't think he did so purposefully...I think the more time he spent with me the more he started to realize just how much of an impact this disease has on my life...he saw how incredibly tired I was all the time...and at that point I didn't really have any energy to go do anything fun. I think he was attempting to say this to me...that he couldn't handle being in a relationship with someone with this kind of health issue, but could only come up with his impressions of how the disease "looks" on me...making me "frail...tired...and sick looking." He's right...I look tired...my eyes look tired...and my face has lost so much volume from weight loss...it looks way too thin and I've lost skin tone...sometimes I look in the mirror and think...melted candle. When I consider this the fear multiplies...will my appearance bounce back some when I get well? Will health ever shine through my eyes again? Will I ever be in a place to be a good companion / partner to anyone again? Of course I have even more "I wonders" than that about interacting with my family / grandchildren...but I don't allow myself to think scary thoughts of maybe "never again" in that direction because I cannot afford the depression that might result from thinking along those lines. I share all of this to (hopefully) finally get to the point...and it all has to do with Job. I loved how you quoted from the book of Job on your post. I think about Job a lot nowadays. I think about him losing everything...being tormented in the process...and finally...having nothing left to lean on but his faith in God. Of course...I don't have to connect those dots...we all can see our own Job journey in that Old Testament story. I consider this story and my current struggle...and then remember how I had the "faith of a mustard seed" all those years ago when I was faced with a huge life struggle (though...admittedly not nearly as devastating as this struggle because of the isolation, etc.)...but to me...being so very young and with little ones depending on me, it seemed as devastating at the time...but...with the deep faith that I was somehow able to access and the joy that resulted in the flicker of hope that situation ignited, I was able to experience positive outcomes that keep on revealing themselves to this day. Now I'm getting better...though I'm still financially shaky...emotionally fragile...and physically stressed...but...I'm praying daily for that magical spark of hope that springs from the tiniest seed of faith...because I know that if I can just harness that energy I'll be blessed in every way. We all will...it's there for each of us. I haven't started the 10% tithe again...as a matter of fact, I haven't done so since those few months so long ago...but I'm starting to think about it...starting to think about what faith looks like in action. And I've started to put my toe in the water a bit...have decided that I'm going to attempt to find funds as often as I can and put them in the "He Cures All" fund...even if it's just a little bit at a time. I sent a little this week...not a lot...but it's a start. What better way to serve God than to give to a fund that helps those who suffer from an unrecognized disease like this one? I feel good about serving God in this way, small though it is. And on that note, I'd like to take a moment of gratitude for Mel. I can't think of any other person who serves God in this capacity...except for Peter and John. Thank you God for Mel...and John and Peter. Those three men are truly doing God's work on a daily basis. Mel...you have restored my faith in humanity...not that I was all that jaded...but...what you do from your heart and your enormous generosity toward all of us is beyond what I've known anyone else in my life to do...you are truly a blessing. I often wonder where all of us would be if there had never been a "Mel." I think of all the people who visit the site daily. Mel recently shared the increasingly high numbers of people who visit this site and, though the majority of people don't post (like I didn't for over a year, though I'd visit this site often), I know his words of experience and encouragement help more than any of us can probably imagine. And so Laura...I think we're also on our Job journeys...and I think the way through this may start with gratitude and faith. And...it's with these thoughts I'll finally end this epistle...and I wish you and anyone else who reads this my very best on your journey. Just think of the message of hope we'll be able to extend to others when we make it through this dark road...I've been thinking this...and the accompanying thought that everything happens for a reason. We might not be able to figure it out while we're in it...but I sincerely believe this is true. Blessings, Karen |
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