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How I Cured Morgellons
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3/27/2015 6:30:40 PM | Birthday: My birthday is in 2 days. Wow, it's my birthday already! There is a lot on my mind during this time of year. I love and hate my birthday. I always wanted to be the girl with all the friends who had surprise birthday parties from loving friends or big to do events with lots of people. I am learning that even though I may secretly want that - that is just not my life. And I need to accept that and move on. Right now with M, it is most definitely NOT going to happen. I am still protective of those around me that I love, and I don't want my friends to get this. My family is far away and I don't have them around for so many years so other than my mom with Lyme's, I don’t have to worry about giving this to them. How many years have I spent in fear and loathing on this earth? Beginning when I was thrown down flights of stairs at 3 for not being able to recite/write my ABC’s to expectation.. hmm. I spent so many years longing for death. Having a spirit of death on me in my (pre-Christ) loose choice, drug-smoking – alcoholic-sugary lifestyle, in my complete lack of self- esteem and insecurities, in my self-destructive tendencies, in my anger and jealousy towards others, in my allowance of abuse from others... Oh how I could sit here at home and spend the days up to my birthday thinking of how much time I have “wasted, ” how OLD I am and where has my life gone and all that I have NOT done while being sick or in fear. OR I could CHOOSE to focus on getting well and what life will be like in the future. I realized as positive as I am striving to be now, I often have (and have had) such a negative outlook on myself and my future because of my past. My past…mhmm. Why do birthdays even make us think of the past? Because of my cheat 3 weeks ago, I now wont be able to celebrate my birthday with any kind of fun coconutty treat that I was planning to re-try introducing. 1 Sage Bistro coconut cookie (made with coconut sugar) and a nice 10 oz rooibos tea with stevia - that's what I want for my birthday. What I am getting is a year gym membership (with a dry sauna – thank you Nicole!<3), a hike with my girlfriend up a beautiful mountain (as far up as I can make it), a Skype call with family (if they answer when I call) and hopefully I will treat myself to something nice that I love and is NOT food. What IS that anyway? Food has been my comfort for so long it is important; tantamount even, to my continued healing that I NO LONGER REWARD MYSELF with FOOD or A SWEET TREAT at all. I need NEW rewards for my new life and my new/future body. Thinking of HEALING and hearing of others POSITIVE OUTCOMES going back to their lives is what I choose today. That’s you Mel, Peter, Ellen, Amber, Nicole, Mary, Linda, Janell, Mark Justin, and more coming… ! Fitness Goals: Timely to this, I also just found out that I cannot bodybuild back to where I was intending to go physically, with a completely no-carb diet. This is somewhat depressing, but I will continue on with my fitness - lightly. Speaking of fitness, my entire lower body (glutes, hams, quads and calves worked hard!) are on fire and suuuuper sore today. I hit 100lbs in leg press and hip Ab/Adductions, 30 lbs in Leg Curls/Ext and still holding at 45lbs with Lat Pulldowns. I’m holding stead weight at 108lbs. I’m not where I was before M in terms of strength, but also not that far down weight wise as I would expect being this sick for THIS LONG and with many more who-knows-whats-to-come months to go. Overall, I have still have some muscle mass, but I really see the effects of this diet on my ability to gain muscle and strength. Before coming to this site and committing to protocol I couldn’t even work out at all so this is really a step up. I just don't know how to do “gains” on this plant based diet - even with all the protein I take in macros wise. If I could even have 1 carb I would be happier than having NO carbs/grains at all. It is what it is. I will research it. Today and tomorrow are “rest days” from working out (as is any other day I am tired, often with this M) LOL This birthday time is a really great opportunity to begin pondering on what my new rewards could be. Dare I Google it? "Ok Google, ways reward oneself do not include food" "Food is the most widely abused anti-anxiety drug in America, and exercise is the most potent yet underutilized antidepressant." ~Bill Phillips – soo true. Any suggestions for me? I found some Snack Healthy Ideas that I may try to celebrate the birthday night with. I may just have a granny smith apple since I have not seen if it’s natural sugar affects me yet and if I am gonna cheat at all EVER it should be with something like that – NOT last time’s mistake. Please note: - - -> All SUGARS in these recipes ARE REPLACED BY STEVIA. http://www.onegreenplanet.org/vegan-recipe/raw-avocado-cacao-mousse/ http://www.thrive-style.com/2012/02/hemp-seed-breakfast-cookies-with-chia-and-coconut/ http://www.foodiefiasco.com/homemade-coconut-cashew-quest-bars/ http://purpology.com/2014/03/04/homemade-quest-bars/ https://www.pinterest.com/search/pins/?q=Gluten%20Free%2C%20Dairy%20Free%2C%20Refined-Sugar%20Free%20Desserts%20stevia Symptoms: I have had A LOT of stinging and some spurts of redness/inflammation lately. Not as much of the "itchy bites" as last month. 1 or 3 popup and then they are gone in the next 2 days. Lots more of the small red spots and brown spots are still increasing in number but at least not size. I have had just a smidge less crawling on some days. Yesterday almost none til the evening. It took roughly one week of terrible symptoms (with heavier crawling the first 2 days after) after my stupidity with the backslide. Then it was lessened crawling and stinging with redness/infmamation/red rash patched areas by the end of the week. Then it was normal crawling but with hard stinging lingering. Now the last 2 days is intermittent lessened crawling and lots of little random stingings with some redness/no red patch areas. Fibers are still everywhere and on me when I tape myself or do oiling but not as many specks come out. My PH is still really good and stable (thank you lemon water with cayenne recommendation here!) though my body temperature however, has gone down again… =( It was getting sooo high for so many days - even up into high 97, 98 degrees. Now I am back to 95-96 degrees - either that or, my thermometer is broken?! Today it was 95 I am not sure why it's so low again. But I'm not gonna let that throw me. See? I am going to keep on keeping on. See? (spoken in my best mafia gangster voice) MMS: I maxed out (with no real “herx”) my MMS at 22 weeks around 22 drops as per Mel. I am staying there, although I did take 21 drops last night. I feel my sweetie cannot listen to me take MMS anymore – he now has headphones on but still sits by my bedside at least til I fall asleep. I cannot wait for the full moon to split dose because it is SOO strong tasting/smelling at this many drops. However, I have upped the amount of water I use instead of 8 oz I now use 10 oz. It’s Lemonade, it’s lemonade! Motivation & Scriptures: This week scripture for me is mostly toward the enemy. My girlfriend was feeling sad and lonely, and felt worthless and like God has forgotten her and I could relate so much being in this state. So I began to talk to her about the Lord. The things I said were amazing so they had to be the Holy Spirit, I know I couldn’t come up with that stuff! LOL. She believes he used me to encourage her. She and I were talking about why would God do this to us?! Why would he not give us answers when we want them?! We blame God for so much! I certainly do and did. So one night (a week after cheat) while having bad stinging and inflammation I was again tempted to blame God and then I thought for the first time in my Christian walk, “WAIT A MINUTE! NO! I am NOT going to blame God, I am going to PRAISE Him instead! I have A CHOICE. What a moment of victory that was!!! Oh my gosh!! It was amazing in retrospect! There I was scrubbing my body in the shower and I had the instrumental playing so I just began singing, writing the song right there in the shower just praising Him - thinking instead ofall I had that He gave m. Hell, even my shower was a gift from Him! I could be homeless right now! I sang, “My God is the Healer, you are NOT the pain dealer. My God is provider, you are NOT a mean, rough divider.” We always hear the verse “The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love.” But when I got M, I tend to think it’s the other way around. When I really think about it, I actually often think/thought of Him as quick to anger, slow in compassion and graciousness and limited or only special people get his love, he is selective with love. That is NOT the truth. The situation led me to write a song about our mental attacks we have from the enemy and how it’s really a case of mistaken identity. God is not to blame for all our woes with this. He loves us. He is with us THROUGH this. He is NOT the cause. We are blaming the wrong person. Why blame Him? He is the one who loved us most. He allows these things to shape us (make us more like Christ), but hell no! He didn’t give this to us-to me! He doesn’t deserve my mistrust, my accusations, my disgust at this ill body - this body with a soul that really holds access to the Creator of the Universe! It’s not Him. I am being just like the enemy (Satan, the accuser) in those moments. So who then is my enemy? Why wouldn’t I need motivation and scriptures for dealing? Who doesn’t want me to walk in authority, love and peace? Who doesn’t want me to get closer to God and my power source? Who wants me to question and hate God? Who doesn’t want me to be HEALED?! John 8:44 - You are of your father the devil, and your will is to do your father's desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, and has nothing to do with the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies. - Jesus John 10:10 - The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. - Jesus Job 1:7-9 - The Lord said to Satan, “From where have you come?” Satan answered the Lord and said, “From going to and fro on the earth, and from walking up and down on it.” Then Satan answered the LORD, "Does Job fear God for nothing? Job 1:10 - “Have you not made a hedge around him, around his household, and around all that he has on every side?” – Satan Genesis 3:1 - Now the serpent was more crafty than any other beast of the field that the LORD God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God actually say, ‘You shall not eat of any tree in the garden’?”- Satan John 14:30 - I will no longer talk much with you, for the ruler of this world is coming. He has no claim on me. - Jesus 1 John 5:19 - We know that we are from God, and the whole world lies in the power of the evil one. James 4:7 - “Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.” My Strength against this enemy is STRONG. Isaiah 54:17 - “No weapon formed against you shall prosper, and every tongue which rises against you in judgment you shall condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and their righteousness is from me,” says the Lord. Luke 10:19 - “Behold, I give you the authority to trample on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall by any means hurt you.” Psalm 44:5 - “Through You we will push down our enemies; through Your name we will trample those who rise up against us. For I will not trust in my bow, nor shall my sword save me. But You have saved us from our enemies, and have put to shame those who hated us. In God we boast all day long, and praise Your name forever.” 2 Chronicles 16:9 - “For the eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to show Himself strong on behalf of those whose heart is loyal to Him.” Psalm 56: 3,11 - “Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You. In God I will praise His word, in God I have put my trust; I will not fear. What can flesh do to me? … In God I have put my trust; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?” Matthew 10:1 - “And when He had called His twelve disciples to Him, He gave them power over unclean spirits, to cast them out, and to heal all kinds of sickness and all kinds of disease.” Perishing? Nope! HOPE: I love Mel so much. He always quotes the verse “my people perish from lack of knowledge” how awesome that is! It’s true. I finally read the biblical context of it. What I am learning this month is that I am PHYSICALLY able to PERISH from this lack of knowledge above! I have been being “killed” and “destroyed” emotionally as well, NOT JUST attacked SPIRITUALLY. The enemy attacks me much like I am to attack this illness. ON ALL possible FRONTS! Wow. One way is perishing for eternity and one way is perishing here and then perishing for eternity OR NOT. Right now, today, where I CAN have LIFE and have it ABUNDANTLY as Jesus said. I choose to KNOW MY ENEMY. I choose the abundance. As we near the day of my birth, many years later, today, at least for today I choose life! |
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